Heartbreaking: Ashwin reflects on India's 0-3 defeat to New Zealand

India's streak of being unbeaten in a series comprising three or more Tests at home for the last 12 years has been broken with their first whitewash loss in history.

"We have been hit by a 3-0 loss by New Zealand. I read somewhere that it has never happened in India," Ashwin said on his YouTube channel.

"I know that in my career and experience, we do not have so many emotions when we play. But, it is a very shattering experience, which is the right word. I didn't know how to respond or react to it for the last two or three days."

Ashwin took responsibility for India's poor performance in the series, and acknowledged that his own below-par performance has not helped the team's cause.

"I expect a lot from myself. I am a guy who says I am the reason for everything that went wrong. I am also a big reason and a big part of it .

"I couldn't contribute to the lower-order runs. As a bowler, I know that runs are a vital currency for a bowler. I started well in many places, then I threw it away on a couple of occasions. I put my best but it wasn't enough," Ashwin added.

The 38-year-old seasoned campaigner hoped the team would be able to learn from the embarrassing series loss.

"Losing is okay, as nobody is invincible. Our first mistake is to think we are invincible, and I do not think like that. After 20 days, when we reflect, we will have clarity," he added.

"I expect closure, and there should be a conclusion. Only if there is a conclusion, we would be able to learn from it. There is no finish line, as there is only a starting line for what you do next."

Ashwin managed just nine wickets in six innings at an average of 41.22, and his best figures in the series read 3/63.

"I kept asking myself questions and discussed a lot. If I wanted to complain, I used to complain to my kids. I put my best out there, but it wasn't enough. I am a guy who says 'I am the reason for everything that went wrong', and I am also a big reason and part of it.

"I kept asking myself, 'Why did I start well again and again, and leave it hanging? Where did we make a mistake? Did we lose our minds?'

"You need to give a push. When you bat, you cannot keep taking the punches.

"Every time, when I pushed the momentum of the innings, I just lost my wicket at the wrong time, and at the wrong juncture feel very bad about it."

Ashwin pointed out what worked for New Zealand and praised the Kiwis for their superb display.

"New Zealand played some fantastic cricket. At no stage in the series they bat out India, but had enough runs on the board for their bowlers to stay in the game. They defended well and there were no LBWs because of the speed of the pitch. It eliminated the pitch.

"They didn't get hit in the legs. They just protected the outside edge. I think I couldn't exploit it. I felt bad," Ashwin said.

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